This newsletter was originally going to be a deep dive into The Batman and the concept of good billionaires, but I trashed that draft while watching the Oscars. Analyzing superhero movies? Boring, lame, I'm over it. Now, I only have one thing on my mind, one burning question: we all saw that, right? Will Smith decking one of the most famous comedians on the planet; that happened, yes? It wasn't a dream I had after eating bad delivery food?
You're telling me the genie from Aladdin smacked the absolute piss out of Marty from Madagascar and I got to watch it happen while sitting in my underwear eating a chicken gyro? We truly are living in the future.
Let's recap to make sure I have this right. Chris Rock joked about Jada Pinkett-Smith's hair, which she lost due to an autoimmune condition. Will Smith walked up to the stage and delivered a blow that could only come from someone who's been in more action movies than I can count. He then returned to his chair and told Rock, "Keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth." The Oscars cut the feed, all hell broke loose on social media, and then Will Smith won the award for Best Actor.
Again, I want to make sure I did not hallucinate this series of events. The whole thing was so bizarre, so perfectly beyond the realm of normality, that I was left awestruck by its absurd splendor.
By the time I post this, the Discourse™ will have spiraled nauseatingly out of control and I am trying to soak the surreal thrill of this moment in before everyone gets mad for no reason. Within minutes of that beautifully executed smack, my Twitter timeline was already filled with people condemning Smith for it, condemning Rock for his questionable joke about Jada Pinkett-Smith, and much more. "Violence is NEVER" began trending. Judd Apatow, creator of such classic fare as Zookeeper, tweeted that Will Smith could have accidentally killed Chris Rock because I guess he thinks human skulls are made of paper mache, and this immediately inspired a brand new meme format. Apatow shortly deleted the Tweet.
Then things got markedly more serious. Discussions of ableism, misogynoir, and toxic masculinity sprung from the bowels of the machine like water from a breached dam.
Let me be very clear: all of the sociopolitical issues people brought up in relation to The Smack are very real and very serious. They affect people every day and should be addressed.
With that said, give me a good reason to care about The Smack beyond pure entertainment value. The urge so many people have to defend incredibly wealthy and successful celebrities baffles me. Ultimately, Chris Rock declined to press charges against Will Smith, and this will boil down to nothing more than a ruffling of feathers significantly impacting none of the people involved. A week from now, Chris Rock will be joking about this in a late-night interview. But for me, in my underpants on the couch in front of the TV, it was the best part of my weekend.
I've always said that everything is political, and that's true, but I am increasingly of the opinion that sometimes you don't have to draw attention to the politics of a thing. Sometimes, a slap can just be a slap.
My last newsletter was about how goddamned hopeless the world is right now and how broken we all feel. We're all going through the wringer, and I can't think of anything else in recent history that has united so many people. For a brief, brilliant moment, nothing mattered but the sheer delight of watching one of the most famous people on Earth whip his palm into the pearly white smile another of the most famous people on Earth. This is peace in our time. This is nirvana. Feel the rain on your skin, no one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in.
-M